Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
