dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
