it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
