i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
