there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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