You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
