Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
