Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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