you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
