The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
