there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize