Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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