Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
