I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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