I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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