I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
