My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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