I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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