I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
