sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
