Umm I'm too high to move.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
