He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So vagazzling was a success
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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