Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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