Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
