I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
