he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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