We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
