Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize