I think I died a long time ago.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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