I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
