We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
