Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
