if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize