drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
