i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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