As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
