dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
