There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
