What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
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