I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize