i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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