i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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