I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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