Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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