I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize