i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
