I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
