i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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