Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
