my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
what the fuck happened to the tacos
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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