i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
