Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
