and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
