so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
