Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
