I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
