Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
