wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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