Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
