three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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