I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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