dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
