Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
