Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
