I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
third nipple confirmed
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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