He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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