Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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