Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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