Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize