you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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