Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
