I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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