is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
