Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
