she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
