An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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