Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
