Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
