Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
