yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize