I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
