Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
