Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
