google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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