Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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