The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
