your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize