thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
