I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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