chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
