my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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