What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
