He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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