i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
