So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
