Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
