Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
