Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
