I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
