apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
