Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
