it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
