just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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