ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
