Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just want nice things and good sex
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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